The working parent and managing evening burn out

Do your evenings drain you of every last bit of energy after a long day's work? Does it take a large glass of wine for you to make it to the kids' bedtime? In this guest blog post, workplace wellness practitioner Kate Wood lends her advice on how to manage your evenings as a busy working parent.
 

My advice to working parents

As a parent it’s not easy balancing work and home, but how well you manage this can make a significant difference to your relationship with your family and to your own wellbeing. Work life balance is something a lot of us crave – including me!

A healthy work-life balance will mean different things to us all. It’s not so much about splitting your time 50/50 between work and leisure, but making sure you feel fulfilled and content in both areas of your life. A healthy balance could mean meeting your deadlines at work while still having time for friends and hobbies; having enough time to sleep properly and eat well; not worrying about work when you’re at home and of course, having the energy to spend quality time with your children.

This can be challenging if, for example, we also have caring responsibilities, a demanding boss or health difficulties.

Before we get into the topic, I want to be completely transparent and disclose I am writing this from a couple of different viewpoints. Firstly, I am a parent to a neurodiverse child with severe learning disabilities and I work full-time. I also lead on a mental health project at the University of Derby, working with employers to ensure they are supporting the mental health and wellbeing of their workforce.

Getting the work life balance right is tricky. We work longer hours in this country than anywhere else in Europe, so chances are when we arrive home, we may not have the energy for a game of football in the park; six rounds battling with maths homework at the kitchen table; or to head to the gym.

Making changes at work by talking your hours through with your employer is a good step, but even if you can’t make big changes, or don’t want to, some small steps can make the biggest difference to your children and to you when you get home.

The grass is always greener

There are pros and cons to every option and as they say, the grass is always greener. If you are employed full-time or part-time, you mayhave a better standard of living and have fewer money problems; feel pleased you're making a contribution and have more self-esteem; have friends and a social life outside the home an feel a sense of belonging to the team you are in and feel valued.

But you may also feel overwhelmed with too much work; that you are missing out on family life; that you're not there for your kids or your partner; resentful of how much you have to do around the house; not to mention too tired or busy to enjoy anything outside of work.

It's important to realise there are no 'right' or 'wrong' choices and your choices will change at different stages in your life. But making the most of your situation is key and finding ways to make things work a little bit easier can make a big difference.

Come in relaxed

I’ve really had to check myself on this one. If I’ve had a hectic day, I tend to get in flustered. My son always waits for me at the window and pounces as soon as I set foot through the door. How I respond to him matters. If your partner or a carer is at home, perhaps ask them to structure this expectation with your child(ren), pointing out that when mum or dad gets in they will “go and get changed and then come down and sit with you to hear all about your day”.

I remember my mum doing this with my sister and I when we were growing up. My dad worked for the Police and we always got to excited to see him when his shift ended. We had an agreement that mum would take us up for a bath, giving my dad time to unwind, and then he would spend some quality time with us.

Come in and eat with your children. If it’s late and they’ve already eaten, get into the habit of sitting down and enjoying a light snack and a chat with them before they go up to bed. The chat doesn’t have to be about anything heavy. Telling them about your day, an interesting job you’ve done or a person you’ve met may encourage them to tell you about theirs - but it's not guaranteed. I tend to get “I can’t remember” when I ask my son anything about his day! Every evening can be different, but that sit down over dinner can become one of the most enjoyable parts of your family’s routine.

Lose the pressure to be a super-parent

Enjoy a simple bedtime routine. Bath time, story time - or both if there’s time. If you have relaxed and eaten it will help low energy levels, and may help you keep your eyes open during that bedtime story! Importantly, know that your children don’t need (or usually want) full-on entertainment. Just having your quiet company while they play in the bath or you reading them a short story at bedtime will be enough for them.

Then you can watch your children settle down happy to know you're there.

Setting heathy boundaries at work to have a positive impact at home

It is important to set boundaries at work to maintain a healthy work life balance. It increases productivity, reduces stress, reduces the risk of burn-out and sets an example to others and means you're more likely to arrive home with enough energy

• Turn your work phone and laptop off and put them away when you finish work
• Communicate your working times with your team and Manager and stick to them
• Set priorities
• Plan your diary – build in reflection time (no back-to-back meetings)
• Delegate tasks
• Understand your workload
• Ask for help and advice
• Be honest and respect others
• Practice saying “No”
• Move away from tech at lunchtime

Finally it’s not just about evenly splitting your time between work and home life, it's about making sure you feel fulfilled and content in both areas of your life.

If you would like to find out more about the Work Health Hub at the University of Derby, please contact Kate Wood: [email protected]